My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
