I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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