Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
