Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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