I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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