He uses pillows to masturbate.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
