problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
