i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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