Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's always time for handjobs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
