I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
