Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
