why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
