Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
