I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
