Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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