I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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