apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
