Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
