i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
