I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
