Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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