You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
