i need an iv and a liver transplant
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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