True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
