1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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