How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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