What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
