just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
