will power is for people who don't want to get laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
