She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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