apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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