booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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