she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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