hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she peed on how many people?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
