i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
