He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
