Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
