last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it glows. i had to have it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
