Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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