looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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