tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
