Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
