I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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