Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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