I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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