My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
