did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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