oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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