I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
