So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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