just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
