He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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