Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
