You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
