All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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