Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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