That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
