you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
