first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
