he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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