If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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