It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
