I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
