I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
