Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
