He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize