the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
