this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the condom got lost in my hair
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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