I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
