thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
